How to get a Russian Drunk
by bookgirl111
Summary: One average day at St. Mihailov Academy –that is until a care package from Yuri Noda comes in from Russia for Katja and Sasha. Inside with millions of packing peanuts are bottles of bottles of beautiful pure potato-based Russian Vodka. Let the drinking begin. SxM, KxH, Tomo fun, and Lizzi makes an appearance too! Warning things get a little heat and underage drinking it wrong


Summary: One average day at St. Mihailov Academy –that is until a care package from Yuri Noda comes in from Russia for Katja and Sasha. Inside with millions of packing peanuts are bottles of bottles of beautiful pure potato-based Russian Vodka. Let the drinking begin when Katja throws a slumber party at the mansion. SxM, KxH, Tomo fun, and Lizzi makes an appearance too!  
Warning things get a little heated but not a lemon.

**How to get a Russian Drunk**

Birds chirped lightly at the sun rose over the mountains and the forestry. Silence encased the woods. Colored light entered the sacred church locked and empty. All in all –it was a beautiful day –until one reaches a particular mansion.

In this mansion laid the wasted bodies of seven people –all unconscious, all partly drunk, and all partly hangover. But perhaps this is too far ahead of the story for one to understand, so let us return back about 12 hours earlier about 6:00 PM yesterday.

~HtGaRD~ 6:00PM Friday

"Dinner's ready!" Mafuyu's voice yelled across the mostly vacant halls. It had been just another ordinary day of her almost "ordinary" life –in fact it was the fifth or sixth ordinary day at the academy. Over the last week or so nothing had happened –nothing. Pure and quiet. 'One the one hand.' A little voice in Mafuyu's head whispered –it was a good thing –Tomo was happy, their treatment in class was better, and she has even made Sasha's favorite Borsht in the hopes of making him at least a little bit happier at the fact that Teresa had to leave for a week and with all the excitement went.

'I'm sure you could make him even happier if you just let him drink from your some,' the voice snickered. 'No.' Mafuyu sternly answered her own little voice back as she exited the kitchen and placed the borsht on the table. Taking off the safety mittens and beginning to untie the apron Mafuyu thought back to the fact that for the last three days neither Katji nor Sasha had taken any soma from Hana and her respectfully. And all because of a little dare that Katji suggested one day because f her boredom.

The bet was to see who could go the longest without giving in to dinking the precious milk as a true test of endurance. And today would be the end of the third day.

'Oh. You just miss the feeling of him sucking soma from you.' The voice returned, causing a light blush to cross her face as the facts and the thoughts she's tried to improve the last few days come back to surface.

"Shut up!" She yelled back at the voice in her head. One arm crossing over her now large and impressive bust. But it was true, ever since yesterday she had been getting a feeling of what could be described as hot flashes but they only happened around her breasts and when it does its almost unbearable with how sensitive they became and with how much soma wants out. The last time she had around lunch time made her feel like they were going to explode. Plus, Mafuyu doesn't even want it go there, but they might be swollen. Just before, while prepping dinner she had to take off her bra from just how stuffed they felt in it.

"But Tomo wasn't even talking?" Tomo said softly her head poking into the dining room from the hall. Then she entered and from behind her was Sasha who seemed slightly confused. Now looking a bit flustered Mafuyu just squeaked out "Never mind" and began serving the meal.

Sasha was finally about to place the first spoonful of Mafuyu's delicious borsht when–

_DING-DONG_

The doorbell rang.

"Shit." Sasha scowled slamming the spoon down onto the bowl, hot borsht now running down his shirt.

"Wait, I'll get it." Mafuyu said getting up –but before she could even reach the dining room door they slammed open revealing Katji, Miyuri, and Hana hidden by a huge box labeled 'Fragile'.

"What do you want?" Sasha said coldly arms crossed still upset about his meal being disrupted, while Mafuyu was confused at their arrival and Tomo was still eating but said a bubbly "Hi".

"Hm." Was all Katji did as she turned her nose up in a snug 'I'm the princess' manner. "Put the box down," she ordered Hana who placed the large box down, revealing an exhausted Hana –whose chest –like Mafuyu as also a bit swollen.

"What's in the box?" Tomo asked curiously leaning over the table, her meal finished.

"It's from Yuri Noda." Katji stated simply now sitting on one of the chairs. The past few soma-less days had taken its toll on both Qwasers, making them both irritable and stressed. "And it addresses to both of us."

"Hmph. What's in it?" Sasha said not really caring.

"Hana, open it." Katji ordered.

"Huh?...Okay." Hana said meekly still catching her breath from carrying it here and also from the fear of being on the bad end of her master's temper.

Pulling back the tape Hana, Tomo, and Miyuri (who was slightly scared of Katji's current temper and decided to stay silent so far) shadowed over the box curiously while Mafuyu stayed back by Sasha and Katji just kept sitting.

The tape now removed Hana dug her arm around the millions of packing peanuts causing an overflow of them to fall to the ground. Feeling nothing Hana dug deeper and deeper until her entire arm was reaching down into the box. Then she felt it.

Silently wrapping her hand around the smooth cold object Hana pulled out… A BOTTLE OF VODKA!

A loud gasp was released when Miyuri saw the bottle.

Snatching it from Hana, Miyuri held the bottle of liquor as if it was a cup of water from the fountain of youth. "OH MY GOD –its Tilly-Tilly-Bum vodka! It's a 99.9 percent concentration! It is soo rare that only ten bottles are made a year!"

A sudden gasp was released from both Sasha and Katji –and Katji even fell out of her chair. Both were frozen for a moment then both sprint towards the box, Katji jumping into it and was now swimming in the packing peanuts.

"Ah-ha!" She exclaimed rising from the box with another bottle in each arm. But out of everyone only Sasha and Miyuri would help her taking the bottles from her and placing them onto the table before continuing the cycle. This left a dumb-funded Mafuyu, Tomo, and Hana.

Three bottles of Tilly-Tilly-Bum.

Five bottles of Tilly-Tilly.

Seven bottles of Tilly.

Nine bottles of Vodka.

And then finally Katji rose for the last time –with the last bottle of this year's Tilly-Tilly-Bum Vodka in existence! All ten bottles of this rare vodka were now sitting in one building.

"It's impossible." Miyuri said in glee her behavior like a true alcoholic being given the gift of god. Both Sasha and Katji still shocked in awe nodded their heads not even realizing it as they did.

But then the awe was broken when Tomo reached for one of the bottles of Vodka and –"What's this?" held a note written in Russian.

"Dear Qwasers and Academy students,

"I hope that you were splendidly surprised at my gift for you this evening. As you know being a Qwaser is difficult and tiring sometimes –even more so when there is absolutely nothing to do. I help you relax with this drought of boredom I bring you the ten bottles of Russia's most famous Tilly-Tilly-Bum The Vodka of Lullabies.

"Enjoy~

"Sincerely, Yuri Noda." Sasha finished translating the letter.

POP

Katji opened one of the first bottles and then chugged down at least an eight of the bottle in one swing. Afterwards she gave a challenging look to all those staring at her like she was crazy, mainly Hana, "What? He said enjoy. And unlike you peasants I know I can hold my liquor."

And so the theory to prove if a Russian could get drunk began.

~HtGaRD~ 8:30PM Friday

Two and a half hours later the drinking was practically in full swing. Miyuri had brought over some lighter liquor for some of the more inexperienced drinkers (Hana, Tomo, and Mafuyu) only to get drunk on five beers, two Bloody Mary's, a glass of wine, and one shot of Tilly-Tilly –Bum. At this point Tomo was meekly sipping her lemon drop, Hana nursing her second bottle of wine (she also had four beers), and lastly Mafuyu who had refused to have any liquor at all and instead made light snacks for the others to help some hold the liquor.

Meanwhile the two Russians had only drunk vodka and had emptied already four bottles of vodka –each taking it shot by shot enjoying the almost pure burning liquid of the gods.

~HtGaRD~ 10:45PM Friday

Now almost five hours into the drinking "party" it truly was in full swing.

Having lost her mind and shame over an hour ago Miyuri was now basically nude with the exception of her underwear and was dancing on top of the coffee table in the living room that the party was moving to.

In a corner sat a now wasted Tomo who lost her shirt and bra a while ago and was apparently a very horny-dominate drunk. With her in the corner was Lizzie who just randomly shoved up about an hour ago as well and at the moment was completely wasted with Tomo who only shared a shot of Tilly-Tilly-Bum with her. Although Lizzie was fully clothed her hair was no longer in a ponytail and both were lip locked in a passionate lesbian make out session.

Separating Tomo stood and dragged Lizzie across the room a giddy look on Tomo's face reaching the end of the living room. "We're we-e goin?" Lizzie asked.

"The hall closet." Tomo said with almost no drunken slur.

"Wwhyyss?"

"Case itsss private."

And gone they were.

Over on the sofa was a still sober pair of Russian, Sasha was nursing his almost empty third bottle of vodka and Katji on the other just starting her fourth. In total there were eight bottles gone but that would be nine once Sasha finished his.

Katji was of course with Hana on her couch and was currently "making out" with the drunk Hana who loved to obey when drunk out of her mind although what they were doing could be considered making out the fact that Katji has her hands disappearing into a wet cavern other then the moth one couldn't be very sure.

Sitting on the opposite side was a very bored Sasha ignoring his mostly drunk companions, and next to him was a half asleep –half worried Mafuyu that had only had sip of her beer the whole night before deciding not to have anymore. She also looked slightly sick –but when asked earlier by Sasha she just waved it off saying that she felt fine.

And so far the victims of Tilly-Tilly-Bum were: Tomo (the horny dominate drunk), Hana (the obedient drunk), Miyuri (the crazy 'I wanna get raped' drunk), and Lizzie (the 'I'll follow your lead' drunk).

~HtGaRD~ 11:48PM Friday

"Please, please, please, please! Please mistress!" Hana slurred out drool escaping the corners of her mouth, her entire body nude as she held her breasts up to Katji's closed mouth that still refused to drink the soma from the swollen tits. This had been going on now for three or four minutes since the numbing effect of the alcohol stopped working on Hana's hot flashes. And on top of that –watching Hana go through a hot flash was starting to have its effect on Mafuyu too!

'Crap,' Mafuyu thought fearing the temperature around her chest rising and making the thin black shirt she was wearing as sleepwear begins to become unbearably stuffy and hot. Her face flushed slightly and she began to unconsciously swallow and become thirsty.

In her partly dazed state she grabbed a glass off the table, some random liquid poured in it. Sipping it quickly Mafuyu chugged the first gulp before realizing that whatever she was drinking it was strong because man did it burn.

Abruptly stopping, Mafuyu placed the glass down and realized that it was Katji's last shot of Tilly! 'Shit!' she thought beginning to feel the almost one hundred percent alcohol run through her system.

"Are you okay?" Sasha asked with a raised brow only noticing her upset face now –completely oblivious to the alcohol she just drank.

"Uh… yeah, I'm jusst thirsty. Yeah. That's all." Mafuyu explained quietly. Standing she said, "I'll go grab a glass of water," and walked into the kitchen with a slight sway in her walk.

Raising a brow Sasha downed another shot of Till' vodka and slowly followed her to the kitchen.

~HtGaRD~ 11:50PM Friday

Standing, more like leaning though, against the countertop Mafuyu was dying under the heat coursing through her body as she tried to distill the alcohol content in her body with water. But it wasn't working –this hot flash was in full swing and had the assistance of the purest alcohol level known to man.

"Ugh." She moaned out the blood now rushing to her head, fogging her mind.

"Mafuyu, are you alright?" Sasha asked coolly leaning against the entrance to the kitchen. But all he got was a moan in response as Mafuyu's knees gave out and she was now on the floor in front of the sink.

Worried, Sasha walked over to her only to get tackled by her and force onto the ground "-Wha" was his only response before she kissed him full on the lips using her arms and chest to join him to the kitchen floor.

At that moment Mafuyu's thoughts were nonexistence because of the intoxication but here us a peek at Sasha-kun's thoughts: '…WHAT THE F*CK IS HAPPENING!' and the rest is in a very hard to understand rushing Russian, but it is mostly consistent of cursing.

Back in reality Mafuyu after not having Sasha respond back to her developments in the kiss was not deteriorated at all –rather he was now straddling his waist with her own and pulling off her shirt –only for the purpose of trying to get rid of some heat. Reaching a hand behind Sasha's neck the Russians eyes almost bulged out (key word –almost, of course the Russian still has his poker face on like a bad*ss) at the sight of his belov –I mean Mafuyu's swollen tits.

Bringing his closed mouth up to her beast she commanded –much like the fellow Marie in the other room, "Drink."

~HtGaRD~ 11:51PM Friday

Back in the living room at that very moment the princess of Russia breaks.

" !~KN**~!" Katji curses in Russian grabbing one of Hana's breasts so hard that the fingernails pierced the skin and created a partialhe skin and created a particialing iny dead of night and remain a mystery to us all.

the past few days along with the h circle of little cuts surrounding the tits.

"AH!" Hana moaned in pleasure like the little masochist she truly is.

Then Katji's other hand did the same thing with her other breast.

"Please, please, please!" Hana began her chant once again.

"You really want me to drink your soma that much, huh?" Katji asked her irritation having evolved into something far more dangerous as the copper cord bracelets she wore around her arms came to life.

An aurora of danger began to surround Katji as the moonlight was blocked out by a familiar shadow of a _doll._

"Yes," squeaked Hana and then… all of hell broke loose.

And if it was not for the copper gag-ball that Katji used on Hana for the nest several hours the whole academy would have been scarred for life as Katji **– (BEEP)-CENCORED MATERIAL-(BEEP)—**

~HtGaRD~ 11:53PM Friday

It has now been several minutes since Mafuyu ordered Sasha to drink her soma pushing the hot nipple up against his cool cheek. Since then she has not moved but keeps her grip to show that he is not allowed to move –and Sasha at the moment was too weak to bother trying to remove her as a ballet raged on inside of him, his hands twitching open and close.

**Battle:**

'_SOMA!' Chibi Sasha moaned drooling a river_ (mini Psychological lesson, the ID or instincts of the mind, only thinks about food/sex/sleep, therefore Chibi Sasha = ID).

'**NO!' Exclaimed Adult Alexander** (mini Psychological lesson 2, the Superego or all of the morals and rights, therefore Adult Alexander = Superego) **who was a hot version of Sasha-kun all grown up. 'We must not drink any, or do you not remember the bet?'** (The superego also in this case is particularly prideful).

'_Ah-eh-eh-ugh,' Chibi Sasha_ whined trying to swim over to the Man statue of Mafuyu standing just a few yards away only to be stopped by iron chains made by **Adult Alexander**.

This is the moment when **"POOF!"** Sasha entered. _'Who the hell are you?' _he asked bluntly seeing the two his hand still unconsciously opening and closing (mini Psychological lesson 3, the Ego or the personality that tries to reach the middle ground between the ID and the Superego. This has been mini Psychological lessons on the Freud Theory –back to the show!).

'_Go, go, drink soma!'_ screamed the chibi who was now becoming rabid.

'**NO!'** braved the **Adult Alexander** tightening his grip on the chibi.

'_Yes'_ **'No'** _'Yes'_ **'No'** _'Yes'_ **'No Alexander-kun, don't give in to your oral fixation!'**

'_What the heck are you talking about!?'_ Sasha shouted at the two images becoming blurred as he seemed to float away and towards the Maria statue of Mafuyu.

'**Freud!'** answered the **Adult Alexander** before both he and the ID vanished from existence.

'_Who the heck is he?!'_ Sasha asked just as he bumped into the Statue. A familiar aroma entered Sasha-kun's senses. Turning around Sasha was overwhelmed in his unconscious that he willingly attached his lips to the swollen nipple.

"Ah!" Mafuyu moaned bringing Sasha back to reality. And as he drank his right hand twitched again but this time around warm flesh rather than air as it rested on Mafuyu's other breast.

As Sasha continued to drink soma from the intoxicated Mafuyu the heat that had been killing her the past few days along with the heat caused from the liquor slowly began to cool down leaving her body and taking her strength with her. Half an hour in she was unconscious even as Sasha continued to drink from her breasts.

As for Sasha-kun everything after midnight would become a blur as a new Sasha-kun, a drunken one, would rise up from the dead of night and remain a mystery to us all.

Because no one knew how to get a Russian drunk –or at least had the evidence to prove they did.

**How to get a Russian Drunk: END**

**AN: AND CLOSE! So a few things first:**

**-happy birthday Sasha (not from SNQ but my Sasha-kun who asked for this story for his 17****th**** birthday~)**

**-this is my first time writing for this series so I apologize for any OOC that anyone finds**

**-I take criticism and I am sorry to those who are going to yell at me for ending it as and where I did but think about it –what would Sasha be like drunk? Like seriously think about it…you drawing a million ideas at the same time as well, right? That is the key factor in me deciding not to show Sasha drunk because it would be hard to say what kind of drunk he be **

**-lastly for those while will still complain the title stats "how" to get a Russian drunk not ever does it state what he/she will behave like drunk**

**-for all intensive purposes no Tilly-Tilly Bum does not exist nor does any drink in the world have an alcohol concentration of that magnitude because a normal human will most likely die before getting through the first bottle much less 10**

**Thank you all who have read this story please do not forget to favor and review or criticize as needed.**

**Sincerely, **

**bookgirl111**


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